A Mother's Death, A Daughter's Tears

My mother died on 5/11/05 after fighting lung cancer for over 14 months. This blog will document my journey of coming to grips with the loss of the most important woman in my life.

Name:
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota, United States

My real name is Kim and I live in Minneapolis, Minnesota USA. I am 44 years old, married, and have two step-daughters. I own five parrots & one dog, a Miniature Schnauzer. I have a pet sitting business http://parrotnanniesmn.com/.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Mother's Day

I am sorry that I didn't add anything to the site yesterday, Mother's Day. A combination of events kept me from getting on my computer yesterday; I wasn't feeling well, I went with my husband to see his Mom, & I decided to let my husband move back into the house yesterday.

My husband & I did make it out to the cemetery to visit my Mother's grave late in the afternoon. I cut more lilacs from my lilac bush, along with some from my kind-hearted neighbor's bush, and we drove out to visit Mom's grave. My husband hadn't seen her headstone before & I think it really shook him, considering that his own Mother isn't feeling very well right now as she is battling renal cancer. I pray each night before I go to bed that she is able to fight the cancer off once again....

Yesterday was less painful for me than I thought it would be, although I am not certain as to why. Maybe because the first anniversary of her death, May 11th, had occurred only a few day before? That day held a lot of sadness, pain, & grief for me, as did her birthday on May 3rd. I think that much of my sadness had flowed out of me by the time Mother's Day arrived. For the most part, I felt very drained yesterday, and I also felt a sense of relief.

Yes, a sense of relief, because I have finally faced the first year of my life without my Mother being alive. I have faced an entire year of holidays & important family events without her; I imagine as I face some of these same holidays in the future, they will be a bit easier to bear because I know now what it is like to live a full yearly cycle of my life without the benefit of my Mother's sense of life & love in this world. I still sense her life & love in a spiritual sense, however.

And so another year begins....