Spring is in the air, as is sadness and bittersweet memories...
On May 11th, 2005, my Mom died of lung cancer. Her birthday was May 3rd. And, of course, Mother's Day is coming up. I've found myself thinking about her a lot more often than usual lately. Facing the last two years alone, without my Mom, has been a nightmare sometimes. Yet, the way things have happened at certain times make me think my Mom is up there watching out for me, doing what she can to help me; I get an extra day of work at the synagogue when I really need the cash, or the chance to work at the pet bird store happening just as I ran out of bird food, or my friend Julie just happens to call or come over when I really feeling down and out.
This time of year is so bittersweet for me now. It used to be my favorite time of the year because everything is coming alive again, the snows of winter have melted, everything is turning green, and the mosquitoes have not hatched out yet so a person can actually enjoy being outside. Everything seems so fresh and new and alive. Plus, of course, it was the time of year to celebrate my Mom's birthday and Mother's Day back to back. Her favorite present was for us to bring her fresh cuttings of lilac flowers. Lilac flowers were her favorites because of the way they smelled and how beautiful and lush they appear.
Now, this time of year is tinged by the date of her death, May 11th. It has been almost two full years since she died of lung cancer, in the Spring, only days after her birthday and Mother's day in 2005. She died as the lilacs bloomed; I remember they adorned her casket. I cut them off my own lilac bush, which is a small one; I cut all the blooms off to put on her casket. I stripped the bush bare of its flowers, just as death had stripped the flower of my Mother from my life. Other people who came to her visitation and services brought lilac blooms too; everything smelled of lilacs and other flowers in the room she was in at the mortuary. How ironic that she'd die during what was her favorite time of year as well.
Why do things happen the way they do? Who can say? Only God can and I hope someday I'll be judged good enough by Him to stand before Him to get my question answered. Why do things happen the way they do?
This time of year is so bittersweet for me now. It used to be my favorite time of the year because everything is coming alive again, the snows of winter have melted, everything is turning green, and the mosquitoes have not hatched out yet so a person can actually enjoy being outside. Everything seems so fresh and new and alive. Plus, of course, it was the time of year to celebrate my Mom's birthday and Mother's Day back to back. Her favorite present was for us to bring her fresh cuttings of lilac flowers. Lilac flowers were her favorites because of the way they smelled and how beautiful and lush they appear.
Now, this time of year is tinged by the date of her death, May 11th. It has been almost two full years since she died of lung cancer, in the Spring, only days after her birthday and Mother's day in 2005. She died as the lilacs bloomed; I remember they adorned her casket. I cut them off my own lilac bush, which is a small one; I cut all the blooms off to put on her casket. I stripped the bush bare of its flowers, just as death had stripped the flower of my Mother from my life. Other people who came to her visitation and services brought lilac blooms too; everything smelled of lilacs and other flowers in the room she was in at the mortuary. How ironic that she'd die during what was her favorite time of year as well.
Why do things happen the way they do? Who can say? Only God can and I hope someday I'll be judged good enough by Him to stand before Him to get my question answered. Why do things happen the way they do?
posted by dreamspinner3 | 7:53 PM
1 Comments:
I lost my mother in 2004, December 8th. She died suddenly of an eneurysm, which although the end result is the same, makes it all even more tragic. She was in her 60's, and like you, I am in my
40's. In my opinion, still too young to not have my mother around. I am still having a very difficult time dealing with it. Funny, but I was an air traffic controller before switchhing into teaching...key word "controller".. but, I am finding this horrendous sadness almost unbearable and very difficult to control. Well, take care, and I hope you are well. :)
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