Mother's Day
I am sorry that I didn't add anything to the site yesterday, Mother's Day. A combination of events kept me from getting on my computer yesterday; I wasn't feeling well, I went with my husband to see his Mom, & I decided to let my husband move back into the house yesterday.
My husband & I did make it out to the cemetery to visit my Mother's grave late in the afternoon. I cut more lilacs from my lilac bush, along with some from my kind-hearted neighbor's bush, and we drove out to visit Mom's grave. My husband hadn't seen her headstone before & I think it really shook him, considering that his own Mother isn't feeling very well right now as she is battling renal cancer. I pray each night before I go to bed that she is able to fight the cancer off once again....
Yesterday was less painful for me than I thought it would be, although I am not certain as to why. Maybe because the first anniversary of her death, May 11th, had occurred only a few day before? That day held a lot of sadness, pain, & grief for me, as did her birthday on May 3rd. I think that much of my sadness had flowed out of me by the time Mother's Day arrived. For the most part, I felt very drained yesterday, and I also felt a sense of relief.
Yes, a sense of relief, because I have finally faced the first year of my life without my Mother being alive. I have faced an entire year of holidays & important family events without her; I imagine as I face some of these same holidays in the future, they will be a bit easier to bear because I know now what it is like to live a full yearly cycle of my life without the benefit of my Mother's sense of life & love in this world. I still sense her life & love in a spiritual sense, however.
And so another year begins....
My husband & I did make it out to the cemetery to visit my Mother's grave late in the afternoon. I cut more lilacs from my lilac bush, along with some from my kind-hearted neighbor's bush, and we drove out to visit Mom's grave. My husband hadn't seen her headstone before & I think it really shook him, considering that his own Mother isn't feeling very well right now as she is battling renal cancer. I pray each night before I go to bed that she is able to fight the cancer off once again....
Yesterday was less painful for me than I thought it would be, although I am not certain as to why. Maybe because the first anniversary of her death, May 11th, had occurred only a few day before? That day held a lot of sadness, pain, & grief for me, as did her birthday on May 3rd. I think that much of my sadness had flowed out of me by the time Mother's Day arrived. For the most part, I felt very drained yesterday, and I also felt a sense of relief.
Yes, a sense of relief, because I have finally faced the first year of my life without my Mother being alive. I have faced an entire year of holidays & important family events without her; I imagine as I face some of these same holidays in the future, they will be a bit easier to bear because I know now what it is like to live a full yearly cycle of my life without the benefit of my Mother's sense of life & love in this world. I still sense her life & love in a spiritual sense, however.
And so another year begins....
posted by dreamspinner3 | 8:20 PM
2 Comments:
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I just lost my mother on May 1. She was 64. I am just trying to get through everyday. You are a strong woman. You have dealt with so much!
I lost my mother 9yrs ago to cancer. I watched it take her away in about a 6 mth period. I still feel pain from it sometimes. My brain is stamped with the whole experience. I am only human. I can't change that. I know what you are going through. I know how you are feeling.
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