A Visit To The Cemetery

Today was a beautiful day here in Minneapolis, Minnesota. The sun was out, there wasn't a cloud in the sky, the temperature hit around 72 degrees with a light breeze, & everything is beginning to turn green. It was a perfect early spring day! Just wonderful.

So today, I went to the cemetery with my husband (he spent the weekend at the house with me, but that is another story). We bought flowers at the farmers market as the last of the vendors were closing & they give me a dozen red roses for free. Then we drove to the cemetery.

This is the first time I've gone since Thanksgiving, I think. The last six months have kind of blurred together in my memory due to all of the issues I've been dealing with. Anyway, we found my Mother's grave but they still have not installed her grave stone, so it took a bit of looking. She is buried in the plot next to the spot where my great aunt & uncle will be buried. Both of them are still alive but they already have their grave stone in place, so that is what I looked for when searching for my Mom's grave.

I put the roses & half of the carnations I bought on her grave & the other half of the carnations I'd bought on her parent's grave, which is only a short distance away. In addition to their graves, close by are the graves of my great-grandparents from both sides of my Mom's family tree. There are a lot of Slovaks buried in the area.

We didn't stay long. I didn't feel the need to this time. The essence that made my Mom who she was is not buried in the ground there in the cemetery. What made her my Mom has passed beyond this world to a far better place. What made my Mom the person I loved lives on in me, in my heart and in my memories, and in how I live my life each day. It lives on her in family & friends & in the heart of God.

I didn't cry today either. Maybe because it is Spring, a time of new life and new hope, and because I am trying to make a new beginning with my husband. I felt sad, to be sure, but no tears this time. No tears. I have cried so many tears since she died on May 11th 2005, but there were none today. I am sure there will be more in the future, though.

Life goes on. My sister is pregnant with another little girl due in the beginning of June! My husband is now living in a halfway house, going to treatment, and seems to be doing well. We are taking things between us one day at a time because, as we have both learned within the last year and a half, there is no other way to live. I have not talked to my brother or anyone in his family for a couple of months now but I would bet they are doing well.

My mother-in-law's renal cancer has returned, worse than before. There are two tumors in her brain & one in her hip bone. I do not know what her prognosis is but I would assume that it isn't too good, given that this is four time her renal cancer has turned up in different spots in her body over the last few years. So far, each time she's fought it off, and I hope she can this time, but I don't know....

My Mom's birthday is coming up, on May 3rd, then there is Mother's Day, & the first anniversary of her death. I am not sure how I will deal with those upcoming days. I know I miss my Mom a lot and wish she was here to enjoy another Spring with me.

Thanks for listening.