Happy Birthday Mom

Today my Mom would have been 64 years old & this is her first birthday without her in my life. I thought a lot about her today while I was at work and during the evening while I was at a club meetings. I can't believe that today was her birthday; it just didn't seem like it. Her birthday used to be something special to me & I always made a point to visit her or call her. Today came & couldn't do either one.

I am emotionally exhausted facing all of these important days without her crammed so close together; her birthday on May 3rd, the first anniversary of her death coming up on May 11th, and of course Mother's Day. Each of these days by alone is very emotional to deal with but having them all coincide so near one another is very hard to deal with.

As I was driving home from my meeting tonight, I tried talking to my Mom. I wished a happy birthday & told her that I loved her & missed her. It was the first time today I had a chance to just be alone & think about her. Oddly, I feel kind of numb. I am feeling very little pain, nor am I very upset. I wonder why? Is it because an entire year has gone by & am I starting to get used to her being gone? Or will the pain & sadness hit me later, as it has so often during the past year?

At any rate, all I can say is that I love you Mom & I miss you. Happy birthday.